Character dynamics playlist - Pt. 1

Haustoria (wip doodle)

This is a short sub-project I'm making to strengthen my grasp on the relationship dynamics between some of my characters while constructing the timeline of their relationship! I started off with songs I think would suit them and then tried to figure out why exactly I found that connection, which lyrics resonates with their dynamics the most, in which order the major events in their relationship unfold, etc.. Subject to change!!

Vhayan x Chunja - IN CHUNJA’S PERSPECTIVE

1. I Know You by Faye Webster: Chunja wants to be Vhayan’s everything; the one to understand him the most, know him the most. Wanting to feel important; thinking that the pain of being with Vhayan is justified because she loves him, because he needs her. - “I’m here regardless of the pain, don’t ever tell me to go away from you”

2. NAN CHUN 난춘 (亂春) by SE SO NEON 새소년: Chunja wants Vhayan to be alive, next to her, living each day with her in peace. Hoping she will always be able to hear his heart beating next to her, taking in the warmth of the sunlight together, ignoring the cold that creeps in through Euryclade’s weather. Telling Vhayan to please not break, to be comforted by her presence.Wishful thinking that they will be able to get through the world together if she has him and he has her. - “그대여 부서지지마, 바람 새는 창틀에 넌 추워지지마 / 이리와 나를 꼭 안자, 오늘을 살아내고 우리 내일로 가자”

3. anything by Adrianne Lenker: Chunja wants Vhayan to see her as who she is – who she believes she is to him; someone that is willing to sacrifice everything for him. Someone that is different from Amel, different from Zoë. Just Chunja herself. She wants to exist in that moment of sobriety; but as Vhayan’s mental state worsens, he confuses her with others over and over again. She hates when he calls him by different names; but she endures it with the love she has for him. - “I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again / Wanna witness your eyes lookin' / I don't wanna talk about anyone”

4. *Lovefool by The Cardigans: Her love becomes obsessive as time goes by and she realizes Vhayan is drifting apart. She cries, begs, screams and threatens for his love; the care she had for him becomes fragile, as the lack of affection and attention she receives makes her put more importance on Vhayan’s treatment of Chunja rather than Vhayan himself. - “I don’t care if you really care, as long as you don’t go”

5. Christmas Kids by Owen Evans: All members of Iftelle, with Chunja at the forefront, become shackles for Vhayan to stay alive and lead those in Eurycalde. They intentionally latch on to the emotional weaknesses Vhayan has in order to stimulate his empathy, forcing him to relive past memories he shared with people like Luyan and Zoë. Euryclade is a prison for Vhayan - and a paradise for others. - “The Christmas kids were nothing but a gift / And love is a tower where all of us can live”

6. *Partner in Crime by Madilyn Mei: Chunja resorts to desperate measures, becoming Vhayan’s weapon when he can’t wield his own, his eyes when he can’t bear to stay awake, his legs when he can’t find the energy to move. She devotes her everything to him. Resentment slowly grows in her heart, but she’s come too far; whether she acts out of love or from the ounce of self respect she has left for the cause she’s started, she doesn’t know. Her only purpose is Vhayan. - “Here's the reigns, take ahold of me / Please don't let me go”

7. Imposter Syndrome by Sidney Gish: Living as Vhayan’s limbs, eyes, lover, family and servant, Chunja questions herself and her worth as an individual. But she calls these worries useless, instincts left from when she only had to fend for herself. Now, she is part of a larger family; she tries desperately to push doubt away, working for her loved ones only and never stopping to question any of their methods; including the ways they control Vhayan. She yearns to be useful, to be loved. - “‘What's a human being gotta be like? / What's a way to just be competent?’ / These sweet instincts ruin my life"

8. I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski: Chunja does realize, deep down, that she will never be what – or who – Vhayan needs. But she can’t help but hope that things will be different if she just tries hard enough. She lashes out to Amel, knowing she’s the one Vhayan has been searching for in Chunja all this time. She averts Vhayan’s gaze away from Amel, but she knows him. She knows that if they go on like this, hiding the only thing Vhayan truly wants for himself from him, he won’t be able to keep going. She knows he won’t be able to meet all their expectations, that he will inevitably fall and crumble before his time. But her love is at stake, as well as the fate of every Euryclade inhabitant – so she’ll keep on hoping and expecting a return from Vhayan, trying desperately to replace Amel - “Tell your baby that I'm your baby / I bet on losing dogs / I know they're losing, and I'll pay for my place by the ring”

HUGE AMEL PARALLELS HERE!!! (Chunja with Vhayan, Amel with Zrayuu)

What needs to be the emphasis here is their respective attitudes to realizing their efforts are futile. Both start of giving their all for the person they believe they have to please -- sacrificing every little inch of their dignity and sense of self just to do right by their "other" (I'll just refer to Vhayan and Zrayuu as Chunja and Amel's "other" for now bc I have no idea about terminology).

As the narrative progresses, they realize their efforts are futile, as their relationship with their other remains stagnant/only worsens. In Chunja's case, she's always known Iftelle's control over Vhayan was never something he wanted, nor is the bizarre relationship Chunja and Vhayan have. In Amel's case, she knew deep in her heart that things have fundamentally changed between her and her sister since the very first day she was separated from her/the day Zrayuu rejected her original name of "Arwen". 

They were both never meant to get the happy ending they dreamed of with their respective others. The only difference between Chunja and Amel is the people around them. 

Amel is surrounded by her companions who are all going through their own self discovery journey. The atmosphere that has developed between them is uplifting and supportive, and it's actually Xemu, Eclis and Nua that convince Amel to finally give up on her one-sided efforts to revive her relationship with Zrayuu and move on with her own life.

On the other hand, the people around Chunja are equally as, if not more, desperate for Vhayan to stay exactly as the symbol of Euryclade's resilience and rebellion. They actively pull him down together with Chunja, convincing her she is doing the right thing, because only by hoping so can they relieve themselves of their own anxieties. Basically the entirety of Iftelle is sinking with each other, with Vhayan as its only anchor.

This is where Amel and Chunja diverge. Amel moves on from Zrayuu, expanding her own community and developing into a more mature person. Chunja remains stuck to Vhayan, regressing to match Vhayan's memories of his previous family. WHICH IS WHY later, Amel is able to actually convince Vhayan to keep on living WITH HIS OWN WILL different from Chunja who had to gaslight, beg, manipulate, blackmail... etc. just to keep Vhayan PHYSICALLY alive.

9. Me and My Husband by Mitski: Vhayan falls into a deeper and deeper pit of depression. Iftelle notices; but they are unable to provide any meaningful care, as their priority is his living existence as an icon of resistance in Euryclade rather than the vulnerable individual he currently is. Chunja convinces herself that Vhayan will get better, and forces herself to stick together with him, though she knows deep down something is definitely, clearly, wrong. -  “So I bet all I have on that furrowed brow / And at least in this lifetime we're sticking together”

10. I Can’t Handle Change by Owen Evans: Ati is killed by Damon while coming back to Euryclade after gathering information from the Capitol for Vhayan. Resentment towards Vhayan’s incompetence grows, and members of the Iftelle finally start to see Vhayan as who he truly is: an empty shell of a human, barely functioning and continuing to live; instead of the inflated image they had of him (the portrayal of him as an authoritative, charismatic leader). Chunja is one of these people. Sanno’s death (preceding Ati’s death) is a catalyst for Chunja’s realization of just how far she and the others have pushed Vhayan. She is torn between a multitude of different emotions: resentment towards Vhayan’s inadequacy, guilt about making him this way, jealousy towards Amel for seemingly being the only thing Vhayan cares about, panic at what is to come with Vhayan’s deeper fall into oblivion, and the residual twisted love she has for him. -  “I can't help but repeat myself /‘I know it's not your fault’ / Still lately, I begin to shake / For no reason at all”

11. I’ll Believe in Anything by Wolf Parade: Trying to reason with herself. Iftelle turns its back against Vhayan, concluding that he is no longer fit for his role – but she tries to stay with him. She still hopes that she could continue to be a replacement for his happiness. “If I could get the fire out from the wire / I'd share a life and you'd share a life”

12. *Washing Machine Heart by Mitski: Vhayan goes missing a few days after all Lehel are erased from peoples’ bodies (the day of Zrayuu’s death). Amel confronts Chunja, saying she’s come now to take him somewhere he’ll actually be protected and given the care he needs. Chujna initiates a fight, and as they do so, she breaks down; waves of guilt, loss, jealousy… crashing across her as she finally meets face to face with the version of Amel (with all her memories back) that Vhayan had been searching for all this time. In a frenzy of panic and jealousy, Chunja repeatedly asks Amel why Chunja couldn’t have been the one for Vhayan - “I know who you pretend I am.. / Why not me? Why not me?”

13. *Vampire Empire by Big Thief: Chunja thinks the reason why Vhayan left is because he was too tired of her and the others now, and she’s afraid he’ll end his own life as soon as all is done (and Damon’s plan is stopped). By the end of the fight, Amel makes Chunja realize that while yes, she did try her best with the given circumstances she had with her relationship with Vhayan, and yes, she was a child when all of this mess stated unfolding, she IS one of the reasons why Vhayan has met the downfall he has currently. As she watches Amel and the others run off to where Vhayan and Damon are, she slowly stumbles towards that same direction too, hoping that she’d be able to reach him one last time. - “Well, I walked into your dagger for the last time / It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow”

14. Second Best by Laufey: (After all is done) Sustaining multiple injuries from the battles that happened during the final few episodes of Euryclade, Chunja watches as Amel helps an unconscious Vhayan out of the ruins and fire. For once in a long time, Vhayan looks completely relaxed, trusting someone else wholeheartedly with his weight – and in this moment, Chunja finally accepts that she would have never been enough. Not because she wasn’t Vhayan’s blood related family, not because she didn’t have the same mannerisms as Zoë, not because she wasn’t young and free like Ati and not because she wasn’t wise enough as Sanno. Because she was always trying to be someone else, solely for Vhayan – never for herself. She couldn’t ever tell something was clearly wrong about their relationship because this kind of toxicity was the only thing she was exposed to from the start. - “I'll never forget how stupid in love I felt / I'll always regret how I couldn't ever tell”